Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
