I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
