I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
