I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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