even my farts smell like vagina
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
