I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
