it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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