I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
