pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
