True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
