Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
please come you make the beer taste better
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
