i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's always time for handjobs
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize