hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize