What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
