Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
