matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
