Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
