I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
