if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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