I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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