You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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