Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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