you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All the doctor said was why
Randomize