No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize