i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
