He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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