Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
