I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
