You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize