Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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