Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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