I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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