Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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