he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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