Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
