I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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