For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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