there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
