the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
