My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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