I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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