Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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