last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
