she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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