Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she told me i tasted like america
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
