dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
