the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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