What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
