Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
