Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
