you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
