Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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