I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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