I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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