Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
