hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
