Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
