forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
