Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize