whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
