I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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