I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
