you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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