Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
