I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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