You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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