Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
