I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
